hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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