she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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