You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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