hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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