your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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