my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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