Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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