Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
