I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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