idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
