Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
