I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
