She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
