His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I would ride that face into the sunset
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize