i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
