Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
