Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
