How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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