Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
