I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
