Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
