I think I am morally bankrupt
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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