I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
