She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
