In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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