i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
