I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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