im six kinds of drunk right now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
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He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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