yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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