yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
