So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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