his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
