I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So many bounce houses so little time
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
