He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
