do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
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Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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