We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
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Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
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Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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