Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
