tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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