if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
