so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
