Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
