My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
