one might say we're banned from that church
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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