i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
