My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
