I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
where are my eyebrows?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
