you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
my poor anus
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
