But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
