You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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