I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
