come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
