Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
