we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize