I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
