I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
