so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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