dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
how drunk are you?
Several
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
