i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
