Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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