i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
