I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
