Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
