I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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