This is not my ceiling
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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