I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
