she was so not down for the gang bang
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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