thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize