you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
