everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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