if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
