I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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