this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
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