just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
