i just wanna soil my oats bro
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
