hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
