New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
