i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
