We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
