Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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